These last few weeks have been a little rough. I got what I thought was my dream CNA job. I didn’t apply directly for it, I was matched through recruitment with the unit. It’s an intense unit, at an amazing hospital where I would receive a lot of hospice and palliative care experience. I was excited about what I would learn and how would I grow from working with this population. 

Well fast forward a few weeks … patients pass away, they get sent to ICU, they come back, there are major emergencies, patients suffer, families suffer … 

My heart is broken. Watching people suffer … it’s too much. I have been coming home crying and have had major stress and stomach aches. The issue was I knew I had 90 days to get through probation and six months before I could transfer. I was already counting down the days. 

The other day I was on the treadmill talking to myself about what to do. I couldn’t stay on this unit, it would crush me. My heart couldn’t handle it. I was trying to talk myself into not quitting and sticking it out for 6 months and then asking for a transfer. While I was jogging I thought maybe, possibly, I could go in and explain my situation and get some sympathy. Worst case scenario they would tell me that I needed to stay or I was being let go. I went back and forth with myself … I can’t quit. Duane always said I never finished anything … I had to stick it out. 

I looked out the window and saw a Red Cardinal. I knew that whatever I decided was ok. I knew that I had support and needed to make the decision that is best for me. I need to take care of myself because no one else will. 

I went into work the next day and explained my situation. I am transferring. I’m not quite sure where (hopefully Mommy and Baby) and I don’t know when, but I am out of the heartbreaking unit. I am proud of myself. I usually don’t stand up for myself in these situations and just push through. But I have learned that peace and happiness are the post important things in life. If you are not at peace with your life or your decisions then you won’t be happy. All I want is to be happy. 

So for the next few weeks I will be in clinical another hospital for school and focusing on my writing and being happy. 

– xoxo Victoria

More information on red cardinals … https://www.californiapsychics.com/blog/angels-guides/meaning-red-cardinal-sighting.html