I have been on the nursing track since July. It has been an amazing learning experience – not in the way you’re thinking. I have learned so much about what I don’t want to do. hahahahaha

I have learned that working in a hospital is hard. I have learned that going to school, though needed for the actual license, was a waste of time. I already knew how to do everything they taught me and the way I did it, at home, is the way they do it in the hospital, not the way they teach you in school. I learned that seeing people in pain breaks my heart. I learned that every time a patient dies, it’s like the first time. I learned that maybe everyone was right and it is too soon. I learned that my heart can’t handle the constant loss.

I was placed in a very difficult unit. A unit with extremely fragile patients. These patients have intense needs. My clinical unit is the same. I have no problem with hard work or the level of work that is needed in these units, but my heart does. I was coming home from work every night in tears, with stomach aches and not sleeping. The level of care that I am dealing with right now, although I LOVE it, is too much for me at this point. I love making a connection with my patients and actually caring for them but the situations don’t always end with someone being wheeled out in a wheelchair on their way home.

I am in the process of hopefully being transferred to a new unit or a new hospital. A unit where the outcomes will be more positive and I will get to see the joy of my job. A place where the laughs outweigh the tears. 

Thank you everyone for your constant support and love. Eventually I will find the place I am supposed to be. 

– xoxo Victoria