Here is part of my personal journal from 1 year ago today….

July 6, 2017 A.M.

We started crisis care yesterday. That means Duane has a morphine pump, 2 sub Q ports (under the skin versus an IV into a vein) that are constantly giving him meds. We can also supplement with additional morphine as needed. I give him another shot into one of the ports every few hours. We now have 24 hour a day nursing care. 

So far both nurses have been great and super informative. 

Duane has been in sooo much pain, he’s been having accidents in the morning and he’s miserable. After meeting with hospice we decided it was best to start crisis care. So we will have it until his pain is managed.  Our normal hospice nurse will come daily while everything is going on. We seem to have the pain managed. He only had a little pain when the medicine went in the first time, probably because it was cold. For the rest of the time he slept. He fell asleep at 10pm and is still asleep now, it’s 8:45am. He didn’t stir all night. 

He seems comfortable. 

We will see what today brings. 

July 6, 2017 P.M.

Sitting next to Duane, he is asleep, completely out of it. It’s sad because I don’t know if he’s out of it or really asleep. He seems comfortable and not in any pain. That’s all I can hope for.

Our main nurse was going through his file today and he said that a year ago when we started hospice here, they asked him what his goal for this process was and he said.. “for my wife to be ok”.

That melted my heart. I just love him. I am so glad he is not suffering. 

– xoxo Victoria