I get upset here and there.  I think people deserve respect.  I think I deserve a please and thank you.  I think I deserve an I appreciate you.  I don’t think I deserve to be pulled down from driving the boat to be absolutely reamed in front of people.  I think I deserve to exercise so I can continue to care for him. 

Apparently all those things are too much.  I have been Duane’s full time caregiver 24 hours a day for 613 days.  1 year, 8 months and 4 days.  14, 712 hours as a sole caregiver. No break.  I have never been away from him for more than 4 hours – 4 hours has happened 3 times in 613 days.   

My favorite quote between Duane and I… We were on the boat in Havasu with my parents…

Duane: huffing and puffing.

Victoria: Im trying.  Maybe one day I will do something right.

Duane: probably not.  

Tonight I told Duane that starting tomorrow (after putting it off for a WEEK) I will be leaving the house tomorrow at 7:30am to swim.  I went to say I was going to bed early so I could get up. I said this in front of his family.  Well it is to 11:43 at night, Duane went to bed at 8:30pm.  He is now up again, complaining of pain and laughing at a tv show refusing to go back to sleep.  He completely and totally sabotages me and my needs.  He have 4 examples in the last week.  It’s rude and disrespectful.  Everyone tell me to just be nice… well right now everyone else is asleep.  

-xoxo Victoria

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  These Dolly Parton Lyrics are killing me! HAHAHAHAHA!!  So fitting – Joking …Kinda.  

On the yacht.  Duane is in the car – the tide is too low to take him down to “supervise”.  Working in the engine room.  Run back to the car to tell Duane the progress.  Disconnecting transducers.  Run back to the car to tell Duane the progress.  Disconnecting Wires.  Run back to the car to tell Duane the progress.  Taking the dinghy motor out of the back compartment and moving to the dock.  Run back to the car to tell Duane the progress.  Taking off back panels.  Run back to the car to tell Duane the progress.  Taking out rod holders because I can’t get the entire panel out.  Run back to the car to tell Duane the progress.  Taking the VHF radio out.  Run back to the car to tell Duane the progress.Taking the depth finders out.  Run back to the car to tell Duane the progress.

We’ll be back at the yacht Tuesday … with reinforcements.  I am learning a lot though.

– xoxo Victoria

– xoxo Victoria

Betty’s Pie Whole is the most amazing pie place in the world.  Their strawberry/ rhubarb pie is heavenly!  So is their chicken pot pie, mushroom pie, apple crumble pie… all their pies!!!  Duane’s brother brought one home the other night and fed it to us in bed!  HEAVAN!!!!!  Enjoy some pie today.

– xoxo Victoria

Duane can’t always talk, but he sure as hell can roll his eyes.  Everyday – all day.  I always say…I FELT  you roll your eyes.  HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

– xoxo Victoria

The truckster needed a new carburetor.  Thankfully Donny agreed to do it…with Duane’s direction of course.  I spent a glorious few hours in the house, cleaning and reading and painting my nails.  The best part is the distributor still needs to be done!

– xoxo Victoria

I don’t have anything real to post tonight… I mean I do, I have three or four posts to write but I don’t  feel like it.  

I’m tired.  

My parents are here, which is awesome, Duane’s other brother is here, which he loves, we have activity and have been busy but I just don’t feel like posting any of that now – it feels somewhat like a lie.  I don’t feel like putting up pictures about how everything is fun and sunshine and rainbows when in reality it sucks.  There are some happy times in most days but we are at the point where they are becoming fewer and farther between.  

Watching someone die sucks.  There is nothing you can do to help.  Just watch.  

– xoxo Victoria

While they organized our massive tool box – I deep cleaned the house…my job was way easier and way more fun!  I got to wear headphones and not talk to anyone!! hahahaha

– xoxo Victoria

After a rough two days, out of the blue, Duane said he wanted to go do something.  Caught off guard I suggested coffee – thinking I could run in and grab it and we could drive to the beach and sit in the car and drink it like we’ve done before.  He agreed.  

After his shower he said he wanted “fish and chips” – from Mitch’s.   It has been since before Thanksgiving that he has eaten in a public place.  I got him dressed, into the car and off we went.  

When we got to Mitch’s I was able to get us into a small corner hidden table where he sat while we ordered.  It took longer than usual, but when our food came it was delicious. Unfortunately after 1 piece of fish and a few fries Duane started choking.  He forced down a little more fish before it was evident we needed to pack up and leave.  We sat in the car for about 20 minutes with him coughing and choking before we were able to go home.  

I feel so bad for him.  I know he wants to go out, eat out, have fun – it’s sad that now even this is near impossible.  I appreciate the effort he made for me and love him for it!  

– xoxo Victoria

Last week some of Reno Fire’s finest were in town.  They met us at the boat and we had a great few hours on the water.  Duane was soooooooo happy, even Buddy was given extra love.  These guys carried him on the boat, up the stairs, sat next to him – keeping him stable in his seat and just made sure he had a great time. If he said drive, they drove – what ever he said they did.  When we got back to the boat – they even cleaned it for me!!!  

Thank you James, Chris, Joe, Shane and Glenn for the visit – you made Duane very happy!!

– xoxo Victoria