Being single isn’t the worst thing in the world. I do what I want, when I want, I eat when and where I want, I spend my money however I want. I can dye my hair, quit my job, get another dog or buy a boat without asking anyone. I can paint my kitchen cabinets, start a flower farm, or buy and RV and travel the country. As I write that I realize how lucky I am! hahahahaha I get to do WHATEVER I want!

It’s a great life but this is not the life I truly want. I don’t want to ask if I’m “allowed” to do things but it would be nice to talk things through with someone and get advice – even if I’m not going to take it. It would be nice to have a partner in all the crazy that happens outside my front door. It would be nice. 

But there is no winning in this widow dating thing and it sucks.

How much do you say,? How much do you not say? What is considered over sharing? What is considered not haring enough? If you don’t share it and it comes up later “you were hiding things”.

Inevitably the same questions arise …

“Are you over him?” (Yes) 

“Are you ready to date?” (Yes)

“Are you ready to move on?” (Yes)

“Do you wish he was still alive?” (Thats’s double edged – the last few years were really hard – it was actually never perfect, but if he could be alive and healthy – that would be great. – He was loved by many people.”)

Those are my answers, they’ve been my answers for two years and yet I hesitate to respond, knowing that not everyone can believe them. Knowing that people will continue question my intentions.

It’s hard to no longer have the person who knows you. Really knows you. The person you don’t have to explain things to. The person you can’t over share with. The person that has your back in every situation. The person who’s advice has never steered you wrong; it actually has but that person was there to pick up the pieces with you when it did. 

I am a lay-it-all on the table type. I’ll tell you the whole crazy, uncomfortable story and if you want to stay, stay and if you don’t, don’t. It hasn’t been easy getting to this point, but I’m here. 

– xoxo Victoria