“She’s gonna listen to her heart It’s gonna tell her what to do She might need a lot of loving But she don’t need you” – Tom Petty

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I usually don’t rant, I usually don’t lose my shit – well in front of other people at least. What happens in my home – stays in my home – hahahahaha! (Poor Buddy.) But for those of you who want to fuck with me, don’t forget in the last nine months I’ve lost a lot of people, people who were my family, people I loved. And in the last two years I’ve lost even more, a lot friends, life long friends, so I thought. And you know what, I’m fine. I will always be fine.

The people that have remained or joined my journey are people that care about me, not my past and don’t judge me. I totally get that everyone has their own “grief journey”, but no matter where you are on yours – you don’t get to judge mine. You don’t get to tell me I can’t share with you – because YOU are not ready. If that’s the case you are not Team Victoria – you are team Selfish. You didn’t go through it everyday. You didn’t hold someone’s hand as they took their last breath. You didn’t have to plan a “funeral” at 38. You didn’t lose your person. You didn’t give up everything to care for someone and watch helplessly as they withered away to nothing and died. 

Stop judging me. I don’t care if I lose you. I am used to it. 

Thank you for allowing me to rant and really tell how it is. 

– xoxo Victoria

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3 thoughts on ““She’s gonna listen to her heart It’s gonna tell her what to do She might need a lot of loving But she don’t need you” – Tom Petty

  1. Ohh Victoria I am so sorry you are going through this! I know. Been there. Actually going through it again. What people say is stupid and it is only because they don’t know what to say and want to “cheer you up!” As if that could happen!! We are never taught anymore on what to say or how to comfort someone who is trying to learn how to live again. I have heard so many crazy, insensitive, hurtful, and just plain stupid comments from people. But they don’t know what any better. And if they see you happy again then they can go on with their lives and not think about what could, and can, happen to their lives. If everyone around them is happy they think they are shielded from unhappiness. Life just sucks sometimes! You are a beautiful, strong, compassionate and beautiful young woman. People can be cruel and insensitive but most are not doing it intentionally. What I will always remember when Sean died is your face with tears streaming down and wanting to never see you so sad again. Your face kept me going. It is a long road. You will continue on. It will be happy, sad, funny, crazy, frustrating, and fulfilling. But it is your road. Yours alone. But I know you will end up and the end and smile – because you made it and will keep your life and Dwayne’d life alive for others following your path. You will give them hope and strength! (But it is Ok to be pissed at assholes!)

    Liked by 1 person

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