I quit the hospital. I gave my two weeks and I’m done. 

I’m not just leaving the hospital, I’m leaving the industry. I can’t do it. I can’t deal with the revolving door of death. I can’t witness the suffering of patients who don’t want to die, but who also don’t want to live the way they are. I can’t watch people suffering and not be able to help. I can’t watch people lose their spouses, parents, siblings and friends. My heart can’t handle THEIR loss. 

I can’t watch people being worked on when they code, people who should have a DNR. I can’t watch families struggling with what to do. I can’t watch people going to a SNiF when they should be leaving on hospice. I can no longer watch the suffering at end of life, when out could be peaceful and less painful. 

 I can’t watch doctors not being direct with family members about the patients prognosis/ diagnosis. I can’t watch family members in the dark about what is coming. I can’t watch unsupported deaths and suffering. 

I can’t watch insurance companies having a vote in life and death and comfort and pain. 

My heart can’t take it. I am an empath and at some point I need to remove myself from situations that are not good for my well being. 

I am going to miss many of my coworkers, people who have become friends. I will miss the patients who let me know I have made a difference. There are things I will miss. But right now I am missing my health and my well being and it’s time to put myself first. 

– xoxo Victoria 

P.S. There are more reasons for me leaving this job and I will share more later. After hearing that two patients on my unit passed today (I was off), I knew deep down that I had made the right choice for my heart.