“And that’s when I was searching, I’m not searching anymore And that’s when I was learning about the things worth living for Before I was open, before I knew I couldn’t live a day Without you” – Vincent Paul Degiorgio / Bill Kaltabanis / David Roland Williams / Tom Kaltabanis

Picture on the left – 2004/2005 (depicts my attitude perfectly), picture on the right – 2017. How much I have changed. So many people would say that. So many people have said to me “you were the last person we thought would care for someone”. “I can’t believe you can (and did) do that on that level”.

I won’t say I wasn’t nice. I was just hard and very private. I didn’t share anything. I was already living with Duane when my parents met him. I didn’t share things, I didn’t let people know what was going on in my world, my life and especially not in my head or my feelings.  These last few years have softened me. I have become vulnerable and I share everything! hahahaha

I think that the main reason I was like that, is because I am actually VERY sensitive, my feeling get hurt VERY easily and I never wanted people to know that they could get to me. I hate yelling, until Duane got sick we never yelled, not even that dinner was ready. I hate raised voices and I dislike uncomfortable situations. I put up a good front, I had a very hard shell. After everything I have experienced I can no longer do that. I’m not capable of hiding my feelings. I just can’t.

Last night at clinical a girl, who I thought was my school “friend” lied about me and spread the lie to the other students. She said I said something to her I NEVER would have said, she said I told her she couldn’t help her patient and that I said I was taking the patient. (Short version). I heard the rumor at the end of the night. I was so upset. I corrected the story with the 2 girls who shared it with me. I drove home, called my parents and cried. I only sleep 2.5 hours, I so upset over this.

I know it’s not a big deal. I know I should get over it, but I can’t. I don’t operate that way anymore. I don’t understand why someone would blatantly lie. 24 hours later it’s still bothering me. I know it’s her issue and it’s not me but it seriously bothers me. I’ll be fine, I always am. Clinical is canceled tomorrow (due to the 2nd hurricane of the season) so I have until Tuesday to clear my head and move past this.

I need to meditate and sleep. That’s my plan.

Why can’t we all just get along? hahahahaha

– xoxo Victoria


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